Hi guys,
I realise it's been ages since posted & I apologise for that.
I've got some news that I wanted to share with you on here because it's quite important (to me anyway). I've decided to take a break from acting, and I don't know if that's an indefinite break or just a long one, but it's a break nonetheless.
This is for many reasons, some of which I won't bore you with, but some I will. First and foremost, I have not long ago moved out of mum and Damian's house and set up home with my lovely "H". Rent is not exactly cheap, but it's doable, providing I have a steady income every month. This is, of course, not guaranteed when it comes to acting (or performing in any way I suppose) and being able to make rent, pay bills and not having to rely on H for everything is important to me and I'm not working nearly enough to be able to do that. And it dawned on me not long ago, that if in a few years' time, I'm still working as sporadically as I am, I can't really afford to have a family - not comfortably anyway - and that's something else that is incredibly important to me. Going out socially, be it to the cinema, theatre, for dinner etc., also became difficult because of a lack of income, and that was no life for me. I want to enjoy life because it's too short and scrimping and saving every last penny for the foreseeable future just didn't seem an enjoyable prospect. So that's the financial aspect of things.
Secondly, my weight. I am by no means a "fat" girl, whatever "fat" means. I am curvy and proud of those curves. My grandmother and mother are curvy so it's genetic and I love it. Weight is so heavily focused on in this industry, it makes me shake with rage sometimes. I've never been told to lose weight by anyone in the industry, but a lot of times when I've lost out to parts, it's almost always been to a very slim, size 8 girl. Now, I am in no way saying she doesn't have the talent as well as the figure, but after so many rejections in favour of someone two dress sizes smaller, one can't help but draw comparisons in appearance. I eat healthily, I go to the gym as often as poss, but I also like my carbs and won't give up spaghetti bolognaise for anyone. Too many girls who I know, who aren't naturally a size 6/8 are practically starving themselves for a part, and if they come out for dinner, they pick at a side salad. That's no way to live as far as I'm concerned. I'm not saying this is the case for every casting director, that they look for the slimmest talented girl, but it's certainly more often than not the case. And I can tell you, that if anyone told me to lose weight in an audition, I'd be out of there quicker than you could say Mr Kipling.
Thirdly, possibly the wankiest of reasons, but one that I know is a sticking point with a lot of actors. The sanctity of this business is non existent, I feel. It used to be that you had to join Equity and become a member of that union before being able to act either on TV or on stage - this is how I understand it from my mum and dad, as it's what they had to do. I trained at drama school - it was the most difficult 3 years of my life and I don't regret them, but they were fucking hard and I will take on anyone who says drama school is a doss. too many kids do GCSE drama, thinking it's a breeze then drop out because they realise it's not. Or at least it wasn't "in my day", waaaaaaaaay back in 2004 ;) Now, it seems anyone can become an actor. With no training, no credentials, and NO TALENT. It's so easy for a celeb to get into acting (as yes, it is for an actor to get into "celebing", something I also don't agree with). Take Chris Moyles playing Herod in The Lord's JCS tour. I'm not a huge CM fan but I've nothing against the guy personally. I don't know him after all. However, I take massive umbrage that he - a former Radio 1 DJ - is playing a hugely coveted role as far as musical theatre actors are concerned. And all because he's Chris Moyles. I haven't seen it, and I don't intend to, but I doubt he would have been cast if he was bad, so I'm sure he was good. However, there are thousands of men who have trained and worked their bollocks off working their way up from being background dancers & chorus members etc., who would chop off any limb asked to play that part. The same goes for Mel C playing Mary Magdalene & Tim Minchin playing Judas. To put it simply, it's plain unfair. I have also recently heard plans for a TOWIE movie. I admit, I watch the odd episode of TOWIE, but mainly because it's a bit of badly done crap to take my mind off anything and everything that went on in the day. Now they're making a cocking movie?!?!?!?!?! I genuinely couldn't believe my ears when I heard and it just shows the new levels people gave have sunk to to make money.
Now, before you all start jumping down my throat and saying "oh but you watch X Factor and indulge in and tweet about that" blahdeblah. Yes, I do. Again, for the same reasons as TOWIE. It's a bit of wind down time and if I missed it if I were out for the night, no biggie. Also, most of my tweets are angry re. the X Factor because it's so shite, so maybe I will stop watching it...
I don't want anyone to think I'm "picking" on the JCS cast or anything, but these are just a couple of examples. Lily Cole might be a decent actress but she's a fucking model and I can almost guarantee you she got seen as soon as her agent suggested her for the role to the CD's.
There is also the thing of placing your career and life in someone else's hands, something which I am entirely uncomfortable with. Constantly walking in to auditions with a big smile on my face and being overly nice to people I've never met before (even if they treat me with complete indifference, which has happened on numerous occasions) and all to get a part that is weeny, in something not great for not a lot of money. It's a shit existence if you're the bottom of the pile. It really is. So anyone considering being an actor, I say, grow a pair before entering in to it. A big pair. And waiting for the phone to ring and constantly checking your emails after an audition can turn you into a seriously dull individual. The Twitter crap I get isn't much fun either. On the flip side, it can be an incredibly rewarding and fun job to do. I've made a dream come true by performing a lead role on the Olivier stage at the National Theatre, which was a trip and so much fun. I'm not slating it as a whole, really, I am grateful for the chances I've been given, and I mean that sincerely.
So, there you have it, I'm taking some time out - how long for I'm not sure yet. If I do decide to leave that side of the business, I would absolutely look in to another side of it (ie. agent, casting director), but that's totally up in the air right now. At the mo, I'm doing a couple of normal jobs, running around like a blue-arsed fly and generally leading a normal existence for a while, which is nice.
Anyway, thanks for reading darling ones. Just wanted to explain to avoid the future "what are you working on now?" questions.
Loads love xxxxxx
